Because I an committing to being alcohol free for Dry July – which is only a few days away – I am fully expecting myself to get a bottle of wine one evening soon, you know, before I am not allowed to.
Well I haven’t yet. Last night was a sober* one and I’m planning on doing the same tonight. Am I good or what?
(*Does anyone else else have a problem with the word ‘sober’ also meaning serious/not fun? I want to be ‘alcohol sober’ for the rest of my life, but no way am I going to be ‘not fun sober’. We don’t have to be all serious and uptight because we aren’t drinking. Remember when we were kids? Never needed a drop then to have fun, so I don’t need one now!)
I think the reason I am finding this alcohol free journey relatively easy to do right now is because of all the reading I have been doing. It has quite literally changed my perspective, and I don’t feel like I want to turn to drink every evening.
As a consequence of spending a lot of time reading, I have avoided my usual habit of sitting down in front of the telly or the computer in the evening, where I used to mindlessly guzzle wine. Before I knew it the dinner would be overdone, a whole bottle would be gone, and I’d be thinking about another glass.
Being mid winter helps too. My house is quite cold, so I tend to get dinner out of the way early, and rather than heat up the lounge I hop straight into my warm bedroom and read sober literature, which of course takes away any ideas of opening a wine bottle.
Gosh, my new way of living does sound sober, as in that other definition, but I am happy to keep things simple right now as I start on my journey.
Yesterday was a milestone – four days straight 100% alcohol free. It has been five years since I last had four days in a row. I know this because it happened when they found my husband’s tumour. I was terrified. Drinking went on the back burner. Unfortunately it wasn’t long until I found solace in wine again, only by then the need was stronger.
At the time I believed it helped me to cope, a classic case of our culture teaching us the wrong thing. Sure, I could numb my senses, but the reality was alcohol made it harder for me to cope, with the hangovers, anxiety and depression. Why did I make life even harder for myself?
Tonight will be five days in a row – a record. I’m feeling great. I’ve come far enough that I don’t want to break the streak.
E xx
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